We need to talk

Omg, it sounds like I’m about to break up with you all. Don’t worry, I’m not. But we do need to talk though. Where do I start?
I think it’s time for me to re-evaluate (again) what I am doing with my life. I know what you’re thinking. I have had this conversation with you all like 5 or 6 times before. The thing is, I’m glad that in each of those times, I have recognized that there was a problem that I needed to change. I need to step back and look at what I’m doing. Is everything I’m doing busy work or is it for a purpose? It’s fine to have hobbies and occupy my time, but time is precious and I need to be working towards something. Over the last couple of days, I have been thinking about this blog and my YouTube channel. Why am I doing them? To get myself out there and see if there are people who would like to read my book. There is a slight downfall in this theory because I am spending so much time on the blog and channel that I am forgetting what it’s all for. I’m here to write. It’s what I love best, but it seems that I’ve been distracted by the blog and channel and have not been giving my writing the right amount of time. I thought splitting up the week was a good idea, but days are starting to spill over into others and the blog side is kind of monopolizing my time.
I believe that I am on this planet to write. That is what I’m here for. The advertising and putting myself out there will come soon enough, but it means nothing if I don’t have a book to show. I have to continue to remind myself what my priorities are. It’s hard, but once I prioritize some things need to get cut out from my life. To be honest, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with everything with my daily blogging schedule and bi-weekly YouTube channel, and I don’t want that to completely happen. I am so thankful that I’m seeing the signs ahead of time unlike before when I would try to push through it and in the next few weeks would get irritable and burnt out. I refuse to go back there, so it’s time to take a break. I need to decide what I want out of this blog and the channel and my life. I want to work on some new projects. I want to do some big things. I need a break to get my mind in order and when I say I’m taking a break, I will be taking a break from EVERYTHING. That means twitter, facebook, the youtube channel, this blog, instagram, (have I forgotten anything?) I think that all of these have become a distraction. I get on the site when I don’t really need to. I can’t waste time anymore. I need to focus on what’s ahead because it’s going to be big. God is preparing me for something big and I need to be ready. I hope you understand that this is what I need to do to keep my sanity. As I write this, it does sound like a break-up text, but I promise I’m not going to be gone forever. Knowing me, I’ll be popping up from time to time, but for now, it’ll be all about the writing, the joy of my life.
I love you Rule-breakers. See you (eventually)!!!
From the #1 Rule-breaker,
My

P.S. I really do love you guys. Thank you for being so supportive and hanging in there. See you around and I’ll be back before you know it.

Spotlight Saturday: “Sir Nicholas Winton”

Sir Nicholas Winton is a humanitarian who organized a rescue operation that saved the lives of 669 Jewish Czechoslovakia children from Nazi death camps, and brought them to the safety of Great Britain between the years 1938-1939. After the war, his efforts remained unknown. That is, until 1988 when Winton’s wife Grete found the scrapbook from 1939 with the complete list of children’s names and photos. In this clip, Winton is sitting in an audience next to some of the children that he saved and he doesn’t know it. Just watch the look of surprise and awe on his face. It is a touching moment and I am glad that I was able to see it. Sir Winton is a hero and the spotlight goes on him today. Thank you Sir Winton for your selflessness and courage.

From the #1 Rule-breaker,

My

MyCam Friday: “Writer Freakout”

Thanks for watching this video of me freaking out a little.

I’ve also made a decision with the MyCams. I think I’ll basically be publishing YouTube videos here but on a different schedule. My YouTube Channel videos go up every Tuesday and Friday. MyCam is only once a week, so unless you’re subscribed to my YouTube channel, you may be seeing the videos later than when they go live. I hope that makes sense and that you all enjoy.

From the #1 Rule-breaker,

My

 

I’m a Writer Thursday: “Short Stories”

short storyI’ve had the urge for a while to work on some new short stories. Since the brunt of book is basically done, I think it’s time for me to get writing. I used to publish short stories on this blog all the time and I want to work on more than them. I like that short stories generally take less time to write and I can tell a lot more stories more quickly as opposed to a the novel that I’ve been writing that I have been working on for over 9 months. Writing short stories is like sprints and Writing Novels is like a marathon. It’s all about endurance and how much work I’m trying to put in. Working on shorter pieces will give me a chance to take a break before I start on the second book (yes, I’m already planning the second book.) I’m not sure whether or not I’ll put the new short stories here, but I’ll definitely let you know. Hmmm, I don’t really have anything else to say. This is a pretty short post and I don’t want to keep drawling on unnecessarily, so I’ll just stop here. See you later!!

From the #1 Rule-breaker,

My

Call Me My Wednesday: “Life in the Moment”

social media

The social media age has messed up all up. We’re so concerned about tweeting, taking pictures on Instagram and choosing the right filter, and posting on facebook that we forget about living in the moment. It’s insane to be sitting in a group of people and everyone is on their phone.  It’s alright to want to remember something for later, but it really just looks like you want others to know what “fun” things you’re doing. I wish we’d go back to the days when we talked to each other. When we didn’t care about the number of followers we had and how many likes our photos got. I wish I knew what happened to all of us. I’m not excluding myself. I am getting better though. Not everyone needs to know what I’m doing. I also know that time is precious and that I won’t get that moment that I was tweeting instead living again. I appreciate the time that I have and I’d rather not waste it. I’d love it if we’d all just put our phones down and talk to our friends. Ask them about themselves and what they want to do with their lives. Do you know what your friend’s favorite color is? Do you know what your parents wanted to be when they grew up? Go ask them and pay attention to what they have to say. Don’t worry about what your next social media update should be and just live. You may be surprised by what  you learn. I know I was when I started talking to my parents about themselves. It was great getting to really know my parents and some of the things that they did. You never really know a person until you sit down face to face and talk with them.

From the #1 Rule-breaker,

My

You’re Beautiful Tuesday: “Beautiful Alone”

ur beatiful alone

Fair warning, this is going to be another sappy post. I’m going to take you all another step deeper into the recesses of my mind. That way, you all can see where I have been on my self-esteem journey and thanks to some daily affirmations, where I’m headed. I don’t know what’s up with me and sharing my inner soul with the internet. It could be that I’ve stopped hiding from myself and am accepting the fact that I do have feelings, I do get hurt and have been hurt. Woah, this post might get deep. Let’s get to the topic of discussion for today before I lose it. Prepare yourself, today I’m going to be talking about relationships. Technically, I would like to talk about how despite society’s obsession with relationships, you don’t need one to be acceptable or beautiful, but “relationships” is quicker to say. Let me explain what I mean by using my life as the backdrop.

As I may or may not have told you all in last Tuesday’s post, I’m 6’4”. I’ll give you all a second to let that sink in. I’m 21 years old and have never been in a serious relationship. For the longest time, I thought that because I was not with anyone, no one thought I was beautiful. Because of that, I didn’t think I was beautiful. It seemed that my self-worth became directly correlated to the number of people that liked me. The more people that like me, the prettier and the better I think I am or at least that’s how it went in my brain. It seems that we have been conditioned to need someone to tell us we’re beautiful in order for us to believe it. I hate that it’s that way, but I felt that I needed to be in a relationship to affirm that I was beautiful. It didn’t help that everyone around me had someone, but there I was, all by my lonesome in a corner with my journal. I don’t know about you, but being the only single friend and all of your friends are coupled up makes you feel lonely and not very good about yourself.

It’s not like I never got any attention from the opposite sex, but they were usually guys (and I’m going to say this as nicely as possible) that were a little off. Since that was the only attention I was getting, it didn’t make me feel any better. I have been told plenty of times that “guys are intimidated by girls that are taller than them.” I have no idea if that’s true, but it definitely looks that way. This goes with my worry that guys don’t see me as pretty because they don’t see me as feminine because I’m so tall. It just sucks feeling this way. I think after I placed so much stock in relationships, it skewed my way of thinking when that guy that did call me sexy and pretty showed up. Because he gave me the attention that I wanted, I held onto him even though he as a whole wasn’t greatest person (and I’m not saying he was horrible, he just wasn’t right for me.) The relationship we had was nothing more than a “flirtationship.” We flirted and it never had much substance, but we had great conversation and that’s something I value having in a partner. After it ended, I still held onto him and his memory. I will be truthful here. I thought he was the last guy out there that would want me. I hate to say it, but it was true and how I was feeling.

Most won’t agree, but time heals all wounds. I started really thinking about the “flirtationship” and realized that was nothing. If this guy didn’t realize what he had then that’s on him and not me. Better still, God is preparing my husband for me and there will never be a question as to whether he thinks I’m beautiful. I won’t wait for him to come for me to know that I’m beautiful. After that “flirtationship” I saw that I was beautiful on my own. I didn’t need someone to tell me. I don’t need that validation. This realization came from a lot reflection and God. It hit me that there is only one me and God created me specifically for His purpose. We are all created in his image and when we look at ourselves self-consciously, it’s like spitting in God’s face. I don’t need someone to tell me I’m beautiful for me to know it and neither do you. You want someone to tell you. Tell yourself. Say it every day until you believe it. You don’t want to place faith in someone telling you because you’ll ignore the bad about them just so they’ll say it. Believe me, you don’t want that for your life. You deserve more. My situation pales in comparison to some of the other issues women have had to deal with for a guy. Please don’t let that be you. Trust me when I say, You’re Beautiful Alone.

From the #1 Rule-breaker,

My